Who the Hell am I ?

Identity....

its something that haunts us all. The truth is, I want my identity to be in Christ. I want to love God and grow in relationship with him so much, that nothing else on this earth matters. To be so humbled infront of the Lord and happy with that, that I feel no need for a new tatto, or to "spice" anything up in life. However, I really have no idea if this is possible.

The last thing I want to be in this life is a hypocrit, and I feel like one after tonight. It annoys me that I can go from the guy leading a team prayer, to the guy swearing loudly and included God's name in it when things dont go right in the batting cage.

Im a competitive guy....it sounds dumb and immature....and I agree, it probably is, but if I dont hit every ball as hard as I can, and square up the baseball I get pissed off. I want to be the best damn hitter on the field. On my team, and on the other team, and unless I am that day, Im probably going to lose sleep about it. Does it work for me? Some days yes.....some days, not at all!

As a person I am trying to make household changes...I really am. Im 23 and while most guys my age are getting drunk and sleeping with any chick that is willing, I dont do either. Do I judge? I try not to, and do I ever drink? yeah I do, but I havent in 2months and Im not always sure if its something I want to do. I got my hair cut today and now look like a choir boy, simply because I was growing vain about the idea of growing my hair out and dont want to be that guy. I try so hard to be humble....I am begining to drive myself nuts.

Should I go get tanked and laid? Probably sounds like a good idea, but Im not that guy and I don't encourage anyone to be. I feel bad for even thinking about a girl I respect in a "not so gentlemanly way". Do I do it? yeah. Doesn't mean I dont feel bad about that too though and want it out of my life.

Heres what it boils down to:

Adam the Person wants to be a follower of Christ and make good decisions centered around a love for and a relationship with Jesus. I want to be a gentleman, and be the type of guy that kids can look up to, that baby boomers respect, and old people want to hug.

I want to lead my family, friends, and teammates to christ and be there for them at all times. Oh! and I want a cute wife someday too! (I had to add a little humor)

Adam the baseball player wants to put God first, above the game, above all else. Lead teammates to christ and be an example, as a person and as a christian. I want to be the best hitter on my team, and lead my team in batting average, and runs batted in. I want to be a cross between Joe Mauer and Manny Rameriz.

The problem: This damn little rebelious side...or maybe who I used to be, maybe who I really am? I get tired of trying to be picture perfect and realizes Im human. On the outside, I want to appear hardend.....bad ass......like I need this alter ego to escape into once in a while. But no matter how hard I try to be a rebel....... I am a good guy. Why do I bother?

To hit the crap out of a baseball, I always feel like I need this bad attitude, and that being positive and joking with teammates is going to make me less of a player. How do I be the real me and be successful on the baseball field? I guess that is a the question of the day.

How to go from holding doors for little old ladies to make a Clark Kent like transition into stiking fear into the hearts of opposing pitchers...... If anyone has the answer....Please....Comment!

Who am I?

Im someone who WANTS to know and follow Jesus, maybe not someone who always does
Im someone who cares......
Im someone who is an escape from a typical 23 yr old guy, and wishes girls realized it
Im someone who is fiercly competitive and wants not much more then to hit .400 with a ton of RBI's

Im someone who likes the idea of the wilderness and reading books better then computers, tv's and cell phones, but still doesn't read enough, or know shit about the outdoors haha

Im someone who wants to escape.....

Im someone who doesnt like or want attention, yet wants respect

Im Adam Bozinski, and Im still figuring ALL of this out...........