Bet against me.... I dare you

I would be lying if I said I havent been me lately. Sleeping in till 2 pm today, not getting out, and having this home sick like feeling every time I go to baseball practice. Not playing after working so damn hard is un real. I can not explain how hard it is. Honestly....it makes me feel sick sometimes.

Last night as I sat on the computer, last night in my dreams, this morning when I woke up....the only mind set has been that Im done. That my body as well as my soul cannot take anymore. No more cancer, no more surgery, no more chemo...I dont want any of it and Im at an edge where I dont know if I can take anymore.

It scares the hell out of me that a friend of the family has battled this shit for years, and been in the clear so many times to have it come back. It angers me. I can not tell you how much it burns me up inside. But it brings me to this conclusion.....

Forget the nightmare I had last night that had me done..... forget recooperation. Forget it all. Right now if I took a full swing I would lose my breath, but what is that breath worth if I can't be the man I want to be. The man I am is a winner. Im not that dead beat who sits around defeated like I have been.

I will play...and I will play in 10 days in Arkansas in spring break, and I will rip a double coming off the bench. I know my stamina wont be able to tolerate left field for 7 innings, but if its late in the game and we need a run, bet the house that I will pinch hit and do damage to the baseball.

Everytime I step on the field I will thank the God that I love, but need to show up in some big ways right now. I will also step unto the field for anyone that this rotten disease has affected, and though it my rip my chest and hurt the scars from my surgery, and leave me out of breath, I will take my cuts, and I will play.

You never know when the end is....you never know when its going to be your last game, when its going to be your last day. I will put my complete trust in God and try and hit the ball through the pitcher.

Bet against me..... I dare you.